A Promise Kept & A Heart Broken

The promise I made that day was way bigger than anything I was capable of. It could have never been kept on my own. I didn't have the knowledge or the awareness under my belt that you need to get it done. What I did have was grit, determination, hope and two very important guys, Eric & the Good Lord, on my side to guide me and push me through to the fulfillment of that promise even if it meant my heart had to be broken in the end.

The Promise

I grew up in a hunting family so I know the passion and the practice, but I was never bit hard by the bug until I was grown up and met my future husband. My family was nuts about hunting season and I loved it too. I would pack a rifle and go with my dad, grandpa, brother and uncle, but I never had the drive to shoot anything. I just liked being out in the middle of nowhere walking around and getting exercise.

Jump to 2009. My husband, Eric, and I got married on September 26. Right smack in the middle of archery season and the rut. Eric, my brother and uncle were late to our rehearsal dinner because Eric had shot an elk that morning and they were out looking for it. Was I pissed that they weren't there? No way! When you grow up in a hunting family as nuts as mine is you have a keen understanding that between September and Thanksgiving weekend hunting is the number one priority, no questions asked. So I definitely wasn't mad, but I realized that if I ever wanted to spend an anniversary with my husband I had better take up bow hunting!

Deciding to finally suck it up and take on bow hunting took me a few years. I had to work up the courage. Bow hunting was a whole different kind of scenario than rifle hunting and I had never shot a bow before. I was apprehensive. I was always afraid that my worst nightmare would become reality and I would take a bad shot and not be able to find the wounded animal, which would torture and haunt me forever! So I stayed away. I went on walks with my grandpa, brother and husband while they would shoot their bows on my grandpa's 3D archery course he had set up at his house, but that was it. I would watch them and think how awesome and smooth shooting a bow looked, but I was still scared. I did a lot of talking about bow hunting, but I would never decide to go all in.

Finally, in 2014 Eric stepped in. He knew that if he put me in for an archery tag I would get my shit together and jump on it. It worked and I signed up for Bow Hunter's Safety that summer. The problem was I didn't have my own bow. That's where grandpa came to the rescue. We had been traveling back and forth to my grandparents place a lot because my grandpa's health was failing pretty bad by this time and I wanted to spend all the time with him I could and wanted him to get to know his great grand-daughter. One of those trips was extra special. The series of events from that March weekend and over the next 6 months have been burned into my memory and I will never forget a detail.

My grandpa and I sat up late one night talking like we always did when we stayed at their place. I told him that Eric put me in for an archery tag in the Missouri Breaks and that I signed up for Bow Hunter's Safety. I'll never forget how his eyes twinkled and how happy he was that I finally decided to bite the bullet and archery hunt for real. "The Breaks huh? I've always wanted to see that place. Too bad I never made it there." My heart broke for him a little. He was always up for an outdoor adventure and going for a great ride to see some elk, but by this time his health had him staying pretty close to home. "Do you have a bow yet?" he asked. I told him no not yet, but that we were looking for one. "Well, go down to Bugs N' Bullets (the local archery shop that my grandpa spent all his time at) tomorrow and get your draw length and we will go from there." The next day I did exactly that. I walked into the archery shop in heels and all dressed up because I had a birthday party to go to. I'm sure the guy working there thought, "Who in the actual hell is this prissy girl?" He was super nice to me though and helped me get my draw length. I shot a few arrows to make sure all was well. I left there with some great shooting tips and a black and blue forearm! OUCH! In all actuality, I didn't have the slightest clue what I was doing, but we all have to start somewhere right?

The next day I told grandpa what my draw length was (28") and showed him the sweet tattoo on my forearm I had given myself. He laughed and said, "That's a good one! Come downstairs with me." My poor grandpa. It killed me to see this once incredibly strong, active man struggle. He was on oxygen and all swollen from heart failure and the meds he was on. Just walking to and from the kitchen would tire him out, let alone walking down the stairs. I remember telling him, "I'll just go grab whatever you need. You don't have to go downstairs." He just smiled and said, "I can make it. Come on." Once down there he walked over to his hunting closet and gun cabinet and pulled out his beloved and brand new Bowtech Destroyer bow. He put it in my hands and set up a target in the corner. "We are the same draw length. Give it a try and see how it feels." It felt like smooth as butter. "Looks pretty good." he said after I had shot a couple of times. He started pulling out his hard case, soft case, extra arrows and releases. "Here your going to need all of this to go with it." It wasn't until that moment that I realized what he was doing and it was everything I had in me to keep myself together. I knew that if he was giving me all of this that meant he was done and he would never set foot in his beloved sanctuary of the outdoors during archery season again. My heart broke into a million pieces in that second. All I could sputter out without losing it was, "Holy Cow! Are you sure? Thank you Papa!" I turned and ran into the bedroom to tell Eric what had just happened and to cry my eyes out with out grandpa seeing me. "Do you realize what he just gave you?" Eric said as I sat sobbing on the bed like a big baby. I think he was shocked and sad too. "Yes! And I'm beyond grateful for it, but I don't want it because that means he's dying and will never go hunting again!" I think that was the first time I acknowledged how sick my hero really was.

Once I got my waterworks under control, Eric and I went upstairs and I gave my grandpa the biggest hug I possibly could. "Papa. Thank you so, so much for your bow. I promise I'll take great care of it and I promise I will shoot you a monster Breaks bull this fall." He just smiled and laughed his twinkly eye smile laugh and said, "Ok, babe you do that." I know what he was thinking, just like anyone else would when a person who has never bow hunted in her life says she will shoot a big bull elk their first archery season out. "YEAH RIGHT!" Eric was just as skeptical and is always pulling my dreaming ass back to reality. "Do you have any idea what you just promised him?" I shrugged my shoulders, "Uh, yeah. I guess I'm going to have to practice. You and I both know he won't be around for another season so it has to be done this year." He just looked at me with raised eyebrows. The chances of me fulfilling my promise looked about as good as finding a 4-leaf clover in a leprechaun's ass! But I just knew deep inside my heart and my gut that I would do exactly what I promised. To this day I can't explain and I probably never will be able to: the feeling of 100% certainty deep in my heart and in my gut that this was something that was going to happen. It was incredible to say the least.

At this point, I didn't even know if I drew the tag yet and had not taken the Bow Safety class. So I just did what I could do. I practiced. I shot as many arrows as I could as often as I could all summer long. By August, I had my tag in my hand, my certification completed and I was comfortable shooting my bow out to about 40 yards. Next, it was time to find a hunting spot. We had a lot of work to do. Neither Eric or I had ever been to the area of the Breaks where my tag was drawn for. We looked all over Google maps and Cadastral searching for a good spot to find some elk. He was stressed out about where to go, when to go, and what approach to take. All I knew is that I was keeping my promise.

The Stars Align

One night in early September or late August, I was at work and a guy sat down at the bar. After making small talk with him, I found out he had been a guide in the area that my tag was for. Coincidence? HA! I don't think so. I think it was all part of the Big Guy's plan and the stars aligning just perfectly. I told him about the events over the spring and summer and my promise to my grandpa. He was touched my the story, but was also skeptical. "That's a pretty big promise to fill!" I remember him saying. He began to literally draw me a map on a bar napkin of a general area to head to and told me he always found elk here. I was beyond excited! I had a freaking treasure map drawn to lead my to my promise! I took it home and showed Eric and he said, "What hunting guide does this for some random person they just met?" "All part of the plan, Love. Besides you wouldn't believe what people tell their bartenders!" I laughed.

Well remember how I said we got married on September 26? Well, I was finally going to get to spend a real anniversary with Eric hunting in the Breaks for my elk. YIPPEEE!! Now, 2014 was a wet fall and in the Breaks you have to watch the weather like a hawk because when the roads in the Breaks get wet you have "ONE HELL OF A MESS"(a papa quote) on your hands! Getting stuck is an understatement. You DO NOT move if you know what's good for you. It is not a forgiving country. On September 25 it was just dry enough for Eric and I to get into our camping spot down on the CMR. We got in late and set up camp to get up early and go. I was beyond excited and couldn't hardly sleep.

Morning couldn't come fast enough, but when it did I was ready. It was September 26, our anniversary, and it was going to be a great day. We set out to the area my angel guide told me to go, but there was nothing in sight down there. The river had been blown out that year and the mucky mess changed the elk's patterns. We decided to get up high and do some glassing instead. We glassed for what seemed like an eternity, but finally we spotted a really nice bull with a few cows on the next hillside over. Eric told me how to put the stalk on him and he would stay there and watch. You guys, I had spent tons of time in the woods in my life, but never alone and my sense of direction sucks! To say I was scared to go walking by myself was an understatement, but I knew what needed to be done and so off I went just me and Papa's bow. When I got over to where I thought I needed to be to drop down on top of the bull I took an arrow out of my quiver and knocked it so I was ready. My grandpa had all of his arrows numbered with a black sharpie. I chose #4. I knew in that second without a doubt in my mind that arrow #4 was going to allow me to keep my promise to Papa.

The landscape we were in looked like a giant hand. It was flat on top and then had a million fingers that came out of it with steep ravines sloping down from the fingers. It was beautiful and rugged country. I remember I kept thinking to myself as I was creeping along how hard it was going to be to pack this elk out of here, but I was beyond excited for all of these new challenges. Just as I was thinking I should be coming up on my elk soon I heard crashing above me. Damnit! I came down in front of him instead of on top of him and we winded me!! Rookie mistake! I sat still as stone for quite awhile, but I knew he was long gone and I had screwed up! My heart was about to explode out of my chest and I was so pissed at myself. I slowly trekked back up the hill praying that I would have another chance. No such luck. I met Eric at the top and he said that he watched the elk bolt out of there and was long gone. It was getting to be pretty hot outside and we knew the elk would be bedding down until the evening so we decided to head back to camp and come back in the evening when the elk would be up moving around again. Back at camp, Eric asked me, "After what happened this morning, are you still sure that you're keeping your promise?" "Yup. I'm not leaving this mountain without an elk for Papa."

That evening we set out again and the storm clouds set in. Remember what I said about the area and when things get wet? Yeah. Not good. We walked all over glassing and looking for the elk that I spooked this morning. Finally we spotted another bull. He had two cows with him and I knew with 100% certainty he was my bull. I was not going to mess this up this time. He was coming home with me. He would be meat in our freezer and a promise to my grandpa, who by this time was in extreme failing health. I knew with the storm rolling in and my grandpas limited time left, this bull was my last chance.

He was about 100 yards away and there was no wind. It was literally the calm before the storm! I began to put a stalk on him. I crept along with my #4 arrow knocked. Then the right side of my face started getting eaten alive by little No See Um bugs. Let me tell you, those little bastards are ruthless!! I was in agony! So here I am putting this awesome stalk on this 6X6 elk I just knew I was going to take home with me and I was about to blow the whole thing because of these damn bugs! No way! I bared through the torture and kept up with my stalk. He had no idea. He was may more interested in the cows he had with him. And that was the problem. I got within 25-30 yards of him and had a couple great opportunities for shots, but those damn cows would not stay out of the way! My chances were fading fast because I was running out of daylight, the storm was rolling in and the elk were starting to make their way into the thick trees, which is what happened. The three elk danced into the thick brush and didn't come out again and since it was getting dark and the weather was turning nasty I decided not go in after him. It looked like I missed another chance.

I met up with Eric and we began walking along the trees that the elk had just disappeared in. I told him I had a feeling they were still close by and that I was going to keep my arrow knocked "just in case". Remember when I talked about coincidence and the Big Guy's plan and the stars aligning? Well, about 5 minutes later that is exactly what happened. Eric and I were making our way back and he was walking about 5-10 yards in front of me. I was creeping along with my eyes glued to the trees to my left. I knew those elk had to be right on the other side of the trees. There was just enough shooting light left and wouldn't you know, that 6X6 popped out of the trees right up onto a little knoll perfectly turned broadside to me. I stopped dead in my tracks and so did Eric. All I heard him say was, "Holy Shit. 50 yards shoot." That is exactly what I did. I clipped my release on, drew back, put the 50 yard pin on his vitals and let my #4 fly. I saw my arrow hit the elk in the side before he took off. I began to panic because I knew my arrow hit him, but I also saw my arrow hit a tree branch in front of him. Shit! Was it a good shot? Did the tree branch deflect the arrow to make it a bad shot? Did my worst nightmare just come true. Did all of this just freaking happen?! Eric snapped me out of it. "Holy Shit Dayle! Did you hit him?" He couldn't see very well from where he was standing. He knew the elk was there but couldn't see exactly what went down because he was walking in front of me. "Yes, I did." "Did you use your 50 yard pin?" "Yes!" He threw me his range finder and ran over to where the elk was standing. I tried to hold the range finder on Eric to see if my shot distance was accurate, but adrenaline had set in and I was shaking so badly I couldn't hold the thing still enough to get a reading. I finally calmed down enough and got a 48 yard reading.

We waited the usual 30 minutes before searching for the animal. We were both excited, and talking about what had just happened. I'm sure Eric wasn't convinced that I had actually hit the elk. He must have asked me 47 times in the 30 minutes we stood there if I was sure I hit the elk and where did I hit it? We could tell a major storm was rolling in and that searching was not going to be easy. Plus, I was seriously worried that the tree branch messed up my shot and I was praying that the arrow hit his vitals for an accurate and fast death. We began our search with our headlamps because it was pitch black by this time with the storm clouds looming. I found a spatter of blood pretty quickly, which convinced Eric that I actually had hit the elk. The thunder and lightening started booming and Eric made the call and said that we better get our butts back to camp as it was a 2 mile walk. We would be lucky to be back without getting struck by lightening and we needed to pack up our camp and get to gravel road. That was the only way we would be able to get my elk packed up and out of the mountains. If we left our camp where it was we would be stuck there for days and my elk would spoil. We would have to move camp to safe ground and come back in the morning on the 4-wheeler and get the elk out of here. I didn't want to leave, but knew we had no other choice.

We hauled ass back to camp. I think we ran most of the way. By the time we got back the thunder and lightening were rocking and rolling and the rain started to come with those big fat rain drops that soak your face with one smack. We threw all of our camp into our camper and hooked up our trailer. While we were doing that, lightening struck in the ditch right behind our camp. I have never been so scared in my life! I jumped about 6 feet in the air (I needed that kind of scare back in my high jumping days). Eric had the cooler in his hands. He threw it and himself on the ground. I've never been that close to a lightening strike and I hope I never am again! We flew out of there and got up to the gravel road where we knew we could get ourselves out without getting stuck. My heart was still racing and I was terrified we wouldn't be able to find him because we knew any blood trail that would lead us to him had probably already been washed away. I was sick to my stomach and even though I was exhausted I could not even think about sleeping. I knew my elk was out there and I was not leaving tomorrow without him on our trailer.

A Promise Kept

The next morning, at 4am because neither one of us could sleep, we set out on the 4-wheeler to go look for him. It was cold and foggy from the storm the night before. What we saw that morning is something I will never forget. As we walked up on top of the ridge we came upon a whole herd of elk. The bulls where in full rut, going crazy. Bugling and fighting in the fog of the cold morning. It was so cam and quiet you could hear the bulls antlers crashing and echoing every time they would slam them together. I could have sat there and watched them all day, but we had a major job to do.

We scoured the area for any kind of sign of my elk but the rain had made a mess of everything and washed away any sign that would make searching a little easier. Hours passed and I began to panic. #1 my worst nightmare is coming true. I wounded this beautiful animal and now we can't find it! #2 I began to doubt that I was going to be keeping my promise after all. I did the only thing I could do. I started praying, hard. I said, "Please God, lead us to my elk. I know You wouldn't have me get this close to my promise and not finish it out. " I must have repeated it 50 times. All of a sudden I heard Eric on the other side of a hill yell, "Dayle! I got him! He's down here!" I hauled ass to where I heard Eric's voice and there he was 20 feet down a steep embankment. My heart soared and I think I sailed down to the bottom of the ravine dropping to my knees by my beautiful elk. "Thank You LORD!" I ran my hands on his amazing antlers and touched his ears. I was mesmerized by him. "Thank You" is all I kept whispering. "Thank you for giving your life to me, thank you Lord for guiding us to him and thank you Eric for being such a kick ass guide." And then I snapped out of it and turned around to Eric. "Holy Shit! I did it!!! I actually did it! Papa is going to be so excited!" "Yeah you sure did! Now the work begins." he laughed.

We got to work in a fast way because another storm was beginning to roll in. I ran and grabbed the game cart and meat sacks that we had stashed on the way in that morning. Eric and I boned the animal out, loaded up the sacks with 200+ pounds of meat and packed it to the top of the ravine where I had the game cart waiting. When we it was time to take the head and antlers out, Eric reached down to grab them. "Hey! That's my elk and I'm packing him out!" He just looked at me and then looked straight up the 20 feet of downed trees and thick brush we had to carry the head through to get out of there. Plus it was going to be another 2.5 miles walk to the 4-wheeler. "Do you know how much that weighs?" he asked. "Yeah it's heavy and it's going to hurt, but I'm doing it!" "Well ok, I'll run back and see if I can get the pickup and the trailer closer and then I'll meet you where ever you're at and I'll help you the rest of the way." He knows better than to argue with my stubborn ass so he put the antlers and head on my shoulders I felt my knees buckle under the weight. "Hmm good thing I work out" I remember thinking. "This is going to be rough!" Eric helped me get to the top of the ravine and then I was on my own.

Let me just say, trying to cross a barbed wire fence with 150lbs. on your back is not the finest or easiest thing I've ever done. YIKES! I got the head to where Eric told me he was going to meet me and went back for the game cart loaded with meat. I had the cart almost to where the head was and then I got myself in a HELL OF A MESS. I had to pull the game cart across a narrow little path that had a barbed wire fence on one side of it and huge old pine tree on the other side with the tree's giant roots sticking out into the path. The path then took a steep plunge down into another ravine. Believe me when I tell you I looked all over for an easier way to get down and there was no getting out of this one. "Well, don't let me die God." I began to slowly tryin and push the 200+ lb game cart across the path and over the tree roots. Ha! Yeah right! It would not begin to move. So I slowly tried to wiggle myself between the tee and the cart and pull the cart up over the roots. And then it was lights out. The game cart ran my ass over so fast. The next thing I knew I was laying at the bottom of the ravine. My boot had been ripped off, my hat was gone and the game cart and flipped over with the wheels still spinning. I remember laying there and laughing to myself thinking, "Wouldn't it be funny if Eric walked over that hill right now and saw this shit show? He'd die!" I picked myself up found my boot and my hat, flipped the game cart back over and headed up the other side of the ravine. As I was getting to the top I could see Eric coming towards me. Thank God! He's back! He walked up on me and said, "What the heck happened to you?" "Don't ask right now. I just want to sit down!" He just laughed and helped me pack the rest of the elk to the trailer.

I had never been so happy to see our pickup in my whole life! I was beyond tired and every muscle fiber and bone in my body ached, but I couldn't have been happier in that moment. What I had promised my Papa a few short months ago had come true with the scarcest of odds. I anxiously waited to get cell phone service so I could call Papa. I posted the pic on Facebook so my Grandma could pull it up and show him and then I called. He answered the phone quickly, "Hello?" "Guess what I have on the trailer for you?" I blurted without even a hello. "Well, Ill be God Damned!" I started at the very beginning and told him the whole story beginning to end. "Atta Girl." and "That's a hell of a job." was all he kept saying. I couldn't see him, but I knew he had a smile on his face that was a mile wide and for a second he sounded like his old self again before he was sick. My heart was soaring. " I'll come home in a few weeks and I'll tell you all about it ok?" But I never made that trip. My heart was shattered a month later when he passed away from his sickness. I kick myself all the time that I never got to tell him my story in person and see his brown eyes smile and twinkle like they always did. At least I knew he was proud of me and I was able to keep the crazy promise that he probably didn't even take seriously. Because truly, what experienced bow hunter would listen to some little girl who had never shot an arrow in her life? I wouldn't have, but maybe he had a secret faith in me that helped get it done. I guess I'll never know.

Today, he is always with me on my hunts. I can feel him there. I know when he's patting me on the back for doing something good and shaking his head at me when I do something dumb. He's my guardian angel and I'm so proud to have been able to share something so great with him.